Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Time Is Upon Us

"My time will come vile human time will come."

I'm not saying Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes held any type of realism to it or anything but I won't ever trust those beady eyed fuckers. The fact that a chimpanzee tried to stage a coup in England doesn't help matters. 

Josie(the warrior chimp) bypassed security measures at Twycross Zoo and broke into the zoo's kitchen earlier this week simply because she wanted a snack. When the renegade mammal was confronted it armed itself with the most lethal assortment of pots and pans known to man. It took an epic 40 minute standoff to finally bring Josie's reign of terror to an end and officials still can't fathom what genius method of escape Josie employed. Imagine If she wants to go on a weed run one night, maybe a coke binge, who knows what will happen? Who knows!!!!??? If this isn't terror I don't know what is ladies and gentlemen. The threat is real.  Dear God It's real!!! They are plotting as we speak. I can feel their eyes upon me in an unwarranted and quite forbidden sexual manner. The revolution is upon us my friends. Get your bike chains ready.

"Ummm, Yea. I'm on strictly fruits and veggies now, that human flesh got me soooo gassy. What's that? Oh no, I still rape them. That never gets old."