Tuesday, November 8, 2011

So My Power Is Back On

I no longer have to live like this:

Here's a number of things I missed or found out about after my third world country living simulation.

  • The contrived merger true love of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries came to an end when Kim put papers in. How could this not last!? I mean Kris spells his name with that ironic "K" and everything!
  • Justin Bieber (who I still believe is a midget lesbian) is embroiled in a paternity situation with some groupie whom he claims is batshit crazy because he'd never chill with a skanky groupie out for sex. I believe him too, because with his tour schedule where is he going to find the time to fly to Thailand and get the "equipment" needed to impregnate a woman. Recovery time is at least several weeks! I call shenanigans.
  • The man with a plan and a super bad ass ad campaign, Herman Cain came under fire due to a growing number of sexual harassment allegations. If Cain were the same man responsible for those ads he'd have his hoes in order by now.
  • Kristen Davis adopted an african american child! I know right! That never happens. Black people don't even adopt black babies. God bless that woman. She should get a murder pass, she should just be able to walk up to anyone and shoot them in the head and avoid punishment sorta like Lindsay Lohan...She should probably start with Lindsay Lohan.